I Don't Regret Much, However...

I do regret not acting on my original thoughts and feelings of wanting to go to the doctors that I had originally seen when my mother learned I was pregnant, and also to go to the clinic for ALL of my records and ultrasound pictures.  I had seen several doctors several times prior to my procedure (for health concerns) and had several sonograms done, and to this day it makes me sick that I did not stand up and go to the doctors and ask for those pictures or records.  I don't regret the abortion.  I don't regret getting pregnant.  I DO regret not listening to my heart and mind when I wanted to get my records. I DO regret being too weak and thinking so low of myself as to not get help and talk about the experience with someone.  Now it is too late to get my records.  I think so anyway.  Doctors offices usually discard records after 5-7 yrs, and it has been 8 1/2 yrs since my aborion.  Now I have to live and deal with the experience with nothing to hold in my hands to look at.  I guess that is why I am so stuck on getting a tattoo of my baby's name on my body, so that there is something I can look at everyday in memory of her.  This is so frustrating.  I feel like I'm making progress and feeling better and then something sets me off and I start thinking and wondering and yelling at myself about something.  I just need to work on it I guess.  Keep reaching out and opening up and talking and learning and venting.  I know I don't regret the abortion, and I know I don't regret getting pregnant, but man do I miss her...