OK, so this past Wednesday through this morning (Monday) I was a hot mess. All emotional, depressed, angry, ANXIOUS! Boy was I anxious! I feel better right now, but it took me all day to be able to breathe and move forward, do what I have to do. Every month I have such intense highs and lows. Its not just any type of continuous feelings, it goes like this: "well, I feel so good I'm going to purchase $100 of yoga classes!", right down to "wow I wanna f*cking kill myself". After all this time, all the therapy, I am still trying to connect my feeling down and miserable to the point of paralysis, to my childhood. I mean, is it from childhood? Yes, I believe it is. I also feel that everything since childhood has exasperated the intense low feelings, and seem to be keeping me down for longer periods of time.
Well I did some research on an online program that takes up to 12 months to finish. It seems awesome and I am going to decide to enroll or not enroll within the week or so. It definitely sounds like something that I am totally interested in, I just hope I can figure out an answer and get cracking! I feel good that I spoke to someone from the program. Another good thing is that I can still work full time, and if I really feel adventurous I can take some college classes. Great idea! I might be too late in the season to sign up for classes this fall, but I will go to a community college this week and talk to someone. Why not? See this is what I mean, last week I was paralyzed with misery, but tonight I'm feeling all empowered and positive. This is nuts! But I will go with the flow...
The school thing will count as my positive daily action for today, as this is the most positive, healthy thing I have done in several days.
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