Last night and this morning I am feeling like I miss my little one. Oh, I know I am healing and this is a good thing, but the more time that passes, and the more I grieve and heal, the further she is being pushed away from me. At least that's how it has been feeling. She isn't as close to me these days, even though she is still there every single day. I guess that's what time does, pushes the memory, the experience further away. Time has helped me a lot, but now I hate it because I am that much more separated from her. Time makes me see how distant it all is. I feel good about the healing, but I cant help but feel like I am suffocating when I think about how FAR it all is from me. The desperation of wanting her back, of wanting to be pregnant again is what makes me feel like I am drowning.
Now is the time that I start counting down the days to the abortion anniversary. The absolute worst 2 days I have ever had to experience so far in my 26 years. It's the same routine every year, why should this year be any different?
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