WOW - December? Already? Where in the hell did Autumn go? Anyways... Thought I would get my thoughts out there for the first time in a while. I have been working on the SRG steps for my post abortion recovery journey. It has been really interesting, and I have opened up to these strangers from all over the world, expressed my deepest and darkest demons to them, and they in turn have done the same for me. A stranger. And I feel closer to them than I have felt to anyone in a long time. There is something amazing that happens when you let down that wall of courageous strength that us ladies put up, and even though it is the internet and of course no one is actually sitting there with you, you can sense that connection between you and your new friends. I don't care what anyone says, it is definitely real and true, and I know I can rely on those ladies if I ever need them to listen to me vent, say nice things to me and wish me well. They understand where I am coming from on so many levels, and help me to see things from a different light. Therefore I have learned SO much from them! Just how to be real and open up, how to be honest with myself and others. How to be scared and vulnerable. And how to be ok with all of this. Accept myself for who I am and what has happened in the past.
At the moment, the step I am having a lot of trouble with, as well as my fellow group girls, is forgiveness. Not so much forgiving myself, but my mother. For pushing me into the abortion, but also for letting me get into that kind of situation. The ladies in my group are really supporting me through this, and without them I would have walked away a while ago. But I am sticking with it, and going to journal some more tomorrow and sort it all out, with their help of course.
At the end of 2012 I want to be able to say I have done everything I could have to take the steps towards healing, and I think I am on the right track with that. I am so damn happy that I am doing all of this, even if I only have some strange girls from different parts of the world to talk to about it all... that's all I need.
No comments:
Post a Comment